I about 90% sure that my recent journal entries will go unread by any eyes other than my own. But I've gone over my journal entries from the past years and I've noticed that I.... Idk what it was but the way I wrote was slightly deep. It had significance to me. This newest journal entry( the one before ) it sucks, it has no order, unmetaphorical, just no bueno at all.

It is amazing what one can come up with or what someone will think of in a change of venue... For instance did you know that while swimming or in a pool or taking a shower you tend to have some of your greatests thoughts? It all the extra oxygen but you really don't care to know that. We also seem to wonder of and think about what we would really hope to move on from when we are bored.... For example the one person whom I want to read this the one person I want to move on from will never see this and I won't move on and I don't know why. I am not afraid to live my life and go on cause trust me I have kept going I haven't stopped moving... And yes I'm copying a song but..... Nvm that would be giving to much away and even though I am a fool. I am no fool to the public. I have my dignity and grovelling is not something I will steep to. Until what dreams may come I will just keep going.... No matter how it kills me inside.

Yes! finally something cool has happened.
I finally got a new car that can move faster than half the speed of smell. Its a 2002 white jetta 1.8T (T means turbo )
now I did not know this when I got it but it has 180hp. OMG it is so fricken fast muah ha hahahaha. lol. I having way to much fun in this car lol.

I saw her brother today. We are not allowed to talk. I hope that will change soon. He has been asking a lot about me latelly, it made no sence at first, now everything is clear. They finally told me what I already knew... Shes gone. Some ( mainly my parents ) say that i was only his friend to get to her, It really hurts to hear that. I want to deny it and I can but only for the times she was not there I wish it was not so, but I had to see her we needed each other and we had no other way, I will being saying sorry for a long time because of that. still though he was still my friend we had some really good times together. Hes sucha dork, he has hardly any friends, I have no idea how he will ever get a date. lol. Sighhh I miss talking to him... in fact I even miss her parents. sad I know but they were really cool people. Her mom was the first adult (besides my parents ) to give me a double shot of tequila. And her dad told the best stories. I' ve made my mistakes most of which the actual act i do not regret.... But i will make things right and thats a promise.

Well I knew it was bound to happen again i knew that I would never make her happy and that by taking her back i was only making my life worse.... for some reason though I did take her back... and im not going to lie i was very happy... but now i wounder was it all worth it... i mean we almost lost everything ust be together and now i dont even have her anymore..... I never regreated it until she said goodbye.... Its over... I dont have a reason.... I just do care. She was not ready thats what everyone said and yes i believed them i just did not want to listen to them. the sadness has faded but it seems to come in waves.... with highs and lows. most of the time though i feel nothing... I wounder if this is how the cursed Barbosa felt... all he wanted was to feel.... and so do I.